We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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