It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
