You just made me feel so damn special
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
