he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
