omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We need a shit load of segways right now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
