I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
