At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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