Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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