How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't deserve a penis
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
