Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im six kinds of drunk right now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
NoShamevember. You game?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
