Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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