for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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