Capitaan dildo arrescate!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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