I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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