Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
