I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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