whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
