Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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