No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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