Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
