i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
