Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
