Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
