I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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