Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
