Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
