who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
