He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
