Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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