that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
