Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
