I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
