im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize