i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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