terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
