dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
