I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had to cum in my sink.
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