Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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