The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
