I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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