my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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