there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
