I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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