4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
