Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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