You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
