why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
