Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
