I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
