I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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