Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
