Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
