Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
