Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
