so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
