After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
