I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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