exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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