Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
