guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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