I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
