She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Two words: blizzard sex
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
