PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
