mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
