she was so not down for the gang bang
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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