At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
