omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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