The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
