he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
