you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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