I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
