I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
