There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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