i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
