How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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