I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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