"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You were trust falling into bushes
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