I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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